From standing on corners and porches just rapping, to having a fortune, NO MORE KISSING ASS
What's cracking yall. And happy Fried Day. You know what that means. If you dont, dont worry about it, you do you partna.
Money in the Bank has come and gone. A fun show with lots to talk about and even more that carried over into Monday Night RAW. But the biggest surprise that caught the internet in a web was not John Cena showing up, oh no no. The biggest storee to come out of Money in the Bank is that John Cena is set to go on a retirement tour and retire the Jorts right next to the Reebok Pumps he used to wear during matches. Word life yo.
This sudden announcement has flipped the IWC upside down and right side up. Cena fans and Cena haters were now finally united as one as no one truly wants to see the legendary Bad, Bad Man go. It will truly be hard to see him walk away from in-ring competition as I imagine he'll still come around every here and there. Not to mention the wishful thinking for some appearances with a new shirt for the millions........AND MILLIONS of Cenation Chain Gang Soldiers.
But thankfully we are fortunate of an announced retirement tour that will give us all a chance to appreciate his greatness in the ring for one last run. John Cena might be calling it a day, but he cant turn the swell off.
But what can The Great Brown Hope say about John Cena that hasn't already been said. A legend in his own right with a storee that's more than worthy of anyone's Wrestling Mount Rushmore. Cena carries accolades and accomplishments that make him the standout talent of two separate decades, transcending through and adapting to three different eras of World Wrestling Entertainment. This farewell tour will be one to be remembered and talked about for years to come for it'll be on his own terms while he can still put on a show. Cena's out the door, but The Legend of Basic Thuganomics will never die.
LET'S GET TO IT YALL!!
BROWN'S FIVE AT 5
VOLUME 2 / ISSUE 5
FIVE MATCHES FOR JOHN CENA'S RETIREMENT TOUR
5. CARMELO HAYES
We all know very well what Cena can do, but can he Ball? Carmelo Hayes has made it to the big time and he hasn't missed. A deadly shooter among the current crop of talent, Carmelo Hayes is a known standout from his very talented rookie class counterparts. Hayes has been getting his shine on and looked like a million bucks doing so. As he has already sparred with the likes of main event talent like Baron Corbin and Randy Orton, the stars are lining up for Melo to take the biggest shot he has ever attempted. Carmelo Hayes needs to take his shot at John Cena. Cena can carry Hayes to the promised land, adding to the aura of Hayes that continues to grow. A main event match on Smackdown between Hayes and Cena would surely have folks tuning in to see what this new kid on the block could do against the GOAT. Even in defeat, Melo still wins. Swish.
4. MUHAMMAD HASSAN
Hear me out yall, it's November 11, 2024, Veteran's Day. John Cena is on Monday Night RAW cutting a patriotic promo for the masses when suddenly the sounds of "Arab Americans" hit the the speakers to an enourmous uproar of approval as Muhammad Hassan makes his long awaited return, with Daivari in tow. John Cena smiles, but looks shocked as well. The crowd hits Muhammad Hassan with a well deserved Welcome Back chant to which he is not happy for. Muhammad Hassan takes the mic and rips the crowd, and the country, saying nothing has changed and that it is still the same America that abused and humiliated Arab Americans times before. The crowd continues to cheer to the confusion of both Cena and Hassan. For those who dont know, John Cena is the one who gave Muhammad Hassan his first pinfall loss, a loss that sent the Muhammad Hassan character to Smackdown. And now Muhammad Hassan has returned to get his win back. They do battle with America watching on, a battle in which Cena does everything he can but cannot prevail. The crowd rallies behind Hassan to the dismay of Cena, who takes a chair and gets himself disqualified, turning his back on the WWE Universe in the process. The now redeemed Hassan gets destroyed by a furious Cena who sends him off for good this time, marking the beginning of the Cena Heel Turn everyone had always wanted.
3. BARON CORBIN
The Lone Wolf has been a favorite of The Great Brown Hope since Corbin's early beginnings. A Superstar who just up to recently is beginning to get the recognition he deserves. A proven and loyal journeyman, Corbin's contributions and accomplishments have earned him a spot in today's higher level of talent. A talent that surely has alot to give to not only the current generation of superstars, but for the many who are to follow. And through his career Corbin has done the dance with Cena on different occassions, but not one where Baron Corbin was made to look like the better of the two. Baron Corbin has already retired one legend at Wrestlemania, I say let him be the one who pins Cena at his last Wrestlemania. And I cant see anyone pulling off the "I Retired Two Legends" character like Corbin can. The win over Cena washes away even the failed cash-in of his Money in the Bank briefcase against Cena. Baron Corbin deserves the rub and should get it, as the win would push Corbin among the all time greats, for pinning John Cena is never an easy feat.
2. KOFI KINGSTON
Believe it or not, Kofi Kingston and John Cena have NEVER had a one on one match against each other. Like Cena, Kofi has managed to continue to carry his career through another decade and he's not slowing down. The Boom Dropping, Pancake Throwing Kofi Kingston has made it to the top of the mountain once before. And now, there is a new mountain for Kofi Kingston to conquer. A match between the two would be a sight to see as it would truly be once in a lifetime if there weren't a rematch. Unlike Cena, Kofi Kingston has carried the Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship. Even that is enough to stir the pot and let the sauce simmer. And just like Cena has never held that title, he has also never beaten Kofi Kingston. Even in a traditional friendly match setting, it'll be enough to get the internet wrestling community buzzing as there may never be another match between the two. In the end, Cena puts over Kofi and the two embrace giving the fans another moment to cherish from Cena's Farewell Tour. A heart warming, feel good moment for Kofi Kingston fans everywhere and anywhere who feel the Fed hasn't always been good to Kofi. Kofi Kingston continues his career with a "Victory Over Cena" badge on his lanyard as Cena rides off into the sunset listening to S.O.S., Kofi Kingston's original entrance theme.
1. R-TRUTH
Were you expecting someone else? Cmon now, what's up with that?
John Cena and R-Truth got a lot of historee. Dating back to the days of his "You Gon Get Got" and "Little Jimmy" gimmick, Truth always managed to run into trouble with the Five Knuckle Shuffler. But today, R-Truth has let those problems from the past go and has even gone on to admit that he has been a fan of John Cena since he was a Little Jimmy. Come to think, John Cena and Little Jimmy are both quite alike considering that you cant see neither of them! But regardless of the invisible people involved, R-Truth's character has grown in popularity over the last few months, evident in his shirts selling out within mere days. R-Truth has made it! A former NWA World Heavyweight Champion, R-Truth as a babyface will pose a different challenge for Cena as he will not only have to go up against Truth, but the fans as well. The wrestling world has new heroes now, heroes that will still be around after Cena is not. R-Truth is one of those heroes. Who better for Cena to pass the torch, and his moves, to than the other emcee on the WWE roster? Book Cena vs Truth in a match where Cena must retire that night if he loses. R-Truth is about to hit his finisher scissor kick, but not without telling John Cena, "Im sorry, I Love You", and then sends him straight to the retirement home. A tearful Killings embraces John Cena, as John Cena tells Truth that he is Cena's hero. Now that's What's Up.
John Cena's time may be up soon, but that doesn't mean he'll be gone forever. Leaving behind a legacy that is untouchable, John Cena will always be welcomed back with open arms. The revolution will be televised, and we'll be there for John Cena til the very, bittersweet end.
From The Great Brown Hope and the many fans of the wrestling world, we say, "Thank You John Cena."
Wanted to send a quick shout out to @_WorkingStiff over on Twitter/X for being our 900th follower on our Twitter/X @MainEvent_Net. Be sure to shoot him a follow and check out his new book dropping soon.
Enjoy and save another playlist from ya boy below, and hit the heart button at the bottom and share this with all your wrestling homies. And dont forget to never give up. And dont forget to follow The Great Brown Hope on twitter/X
—> @TGr8BrwnHope
(this chapter of Storee Time with The Great Brown Hope has been brought to you by Four Loko. Drink Four Loko.)
Playlist
John Cena and Tha Trademarc ft. Bumpy Knuckles "Bad, Bad Man"
John Cena and Tha Trademarc "Basic Thuganomics"
John Cena and Tha Trademarc "The Time Is Now"
M.O.P..ft. Busta Rhymes, Teflon, and Remy Martin "Ante Up Remix"
2Pac "Can't C Me"
Jay-Z "Encore"
MGK ft. Ester Dean "Invincible"
Paul Wall ft. Mike Jones "They Don't Know"
Bubba Sparxxx "Ugly"
B.o.B. "Beast Mode"
Eminem "Like Toy Soldiers"
Eminem "Without Me"
Eminem "Sing for The Moment"
Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton "Can't Hold Us"
Bizzy Bone "Last Call: Fallen"
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