JCW Lunacy Episode 3, by PaperClip Mike

Juggalos and Juggalettes, welcome to the newest episode of Lunacy Legacy! I am, of course, your host with not the most, but pretty close…Paperclip Mike. Nothing has changed here but the name. I wanted something to roll off the tongue, so Lunacy Legacy. What a ride on the last episode! We had grudge matches, world title matches, and Kongo Kong murdering a dude who came to the ring with a collection plate. So much insane shi,t and I assume a lot of the same tonight, so without further ado…

We get a cold open with The Southern Six sitting on the ring apron before doors open. All three men get shots in at James Storm about bringing their names up and how he made a huge mistake in trying to start something. We then go to the intro video, and are welcomed by Joe Galli and Manny Fresh. They talk about the beef “Richie Boy’ Breyer Wellington and James Ellsworth had after their tag team loss last episode.

“Richie Boy’’ Breyer Wellington w/Jeeves vs. James Ellsworth

Jeeves comes out and does a nice rhyme to introduce Wellington, who has some not-nice things to say to the lovely crowd. He pisses them off enough to start throwing trash into the ring! He did rely on the word ‘motherfucker’ a lot, so I guess his private school education did not take. Anyway, Ellsworth's music hits and…he is dressed as the Ultimate Warrior. Um, OK. Body slam. Shoulderblock. Splash. Ellsworth wins. Sorry, not for me.

Back from break, and we are backstage with the “Straightlaced Juggalo” Joe Galli as they are waiting for the rumored rival of “Officer” Colt Cabana. Big fan of Colt Cabana in general, and this is great as well. He is playing a bad cop who hates Juggalos. He says he is here to arrest someone, namely Nick Gage. Good luck on that one.

Dani Mo vs. Alice Crowley

Excited for this as we get a rematch from episode one. Dani Mo is in the ring during her entrance before getting jumped from behind by Alice, but quickly turns the tables. Dani lands a sick handstand elbow drop for a two count. Dani then goes for a DDT out of the corner, but gets blocked. She then leaps at Alice, who catches her and lands a swinging side slam, great show of power.

Dani was able to come back and looked to go for a top rope maneuver. But Alice bumps into the rope to jostle her. Alice then lands a superplex and floors it up with a vicious knee for the win and to even up the series.

Once again, from the break, we see Joe Galli backstage, microphone in hand. This time, he finds “Cowboy” James Storm knocking back a Michelob Ultra. James says he is here to drink beer and party, since there is no party like a JCW party. Joe then gets his thoughts on the Southern Six. Storm says that he doesn't want to say something that gets taken out of context, but says the trio reminds him of himself when he was that age. He says they are full of piss and vinegar. And as long as they stay out of his way, there will be no blood spilled.

Kongo Kong w/ Eric Smalls vs. Jeffery John

Out comes Kongo, looking to dominate like he did last week. His opponent is someone I dig from what I have seen, “The Babuska Baron” Jeffery John. I have seen him in Wrestling Revolver. He actually wrestles with a scarf tied around his head like a…well, a babushka. Bless his heart, Jeffery does get a few shots in, but one shoulder block from Kongor suffs that out. Jeffery is able to fight back with a few flying shoulder blocks of his own. Surprisingly, he comes off the top with a flying European uppercut! Poor guy made the mistake of going for a sunset flip, letting Kongo hit a sit-down splash. A top rope front flip senton, and this match is over.

Wait a minute, as Kongo celebrates his victory, out comes Santana Jackson! Jackson gets in the ring, showing off his sick dance moves. Kongo was having none of it, hitting Jackson so hard that he spun in circles. This got a chuckle out of me.

Back from break, and the “Wonder Bread Jugglao” Joe Galli is backstage with Nick Gage. Oh, I’m sorry…NICK F’N GAGE! He said that he is going to beat the ‘fucking shit’ out of Officer Cabana. This whole segment was great. The interaction of two men on the opposite ends of the spectrum was amazing.

Officer Colt Cabana vs. Nick F’N Gage

This pre-taped match is coming from a show in San Antonio. Ok, Colt Cabana coming out to ‘Bad Boys’ is great. Colt grabs the mic, and right as he starts to talk, someone blows a cloud of weed smoke, causing him to stop mid-sentence and go “How fucking dare you…” This was awesome. Colt had the crowd hating him so bad. This was awesome. Nick Gage comes out as his music hits, and the crowd erupts.

The ref does the traditional pat-down of wrestlers, but Colt complains that he needs to check Nick again before doing a ‘stop and frisk’ on the ref. Eventually, the ref is brave enough to pat down Nick again and finds a chain. Colt grabs it and puts it in an evidence bag. He leaves the ring and walks off before Gage catches up to him, and here we go.

Both men battle from the ramp and around the ring. Gage tosses a chair right into Colt’s shoulder. Nick then grabs some fan’s old school WWF IC title (with the yellow strap) and smacks Cabana with it. They finally get in the ring, but Cabana rolls out and tries to leave. Gage grabs him and rolls him back in, but Colt kicks the rope into Gage’s crotch as he gets back in. Colt cracks Gage in the head with a microphone and chokes him with his own bandana.

Nick Gage fires back with punches before eating a boot in the corner from Colt. Cabana continues to pour on the damage before locking in somewhat of a half camel clutch. Colt puts him in the corner. Nick is able to dodge a corner splash and hit a spinebuster. Gage has Cabana down in the corner and runs in, driving a knee in his face. Nick walks up to the top of the ramp and grabs the chain Colt put into evidence. Once he gets in the ring, both men fight over the chain before Nick grabs it and punches Colt with it for the win. 

We are then on the newest episode of Shaggy’s Spotlight. He shows a video package of the current JCW World champ, “The Chocolate Juggalo” Willie Mack.

We are then joined backstage by the “Indie God” Matt Cardona. I didn’t realize he was on Lunacy so early. All he says is “I’ll see you guys soon’, and walks off. Interesting.

The Southern Six vs. The Brothers of Funstruction and “Cowboy” James Storm

Man, the crowd not only loves the Brothers, they sure love them a Cowboy too. The commentators calling Kerry Morton a twink got a grin out of me. Alex Taylor runs at the clowns, but eats an atomic drop and a tie slap across the chest. All members of TS6 try their hands against the clows but are easily dispatched. Ruffo pulls popcorn from his overalls and shoves it in Alex’s mouth.

The Southern 6 use Yabbo’s tie against him as they take control. Silas and Kerry hit an impressive double hanging vertical suplex, slamming the poor clown down. After a few minutes of getting beaten down, Yabbo hits an enzugiri with his big ass clown shoe to Alex Taylor. He is able to tag in James Storm. But…what the fuck?! Storm forearms Ruffo to the ramp before hitting Yabbo with the Last Call superkick. Wow, Joe Galli is beside himself, standing and yelling bad words from the commentary table. James Storm shakes hands with TS6 before actually mooning the crowd, exposed booty meat and everything. The heels stand tall as the show ends. 

As always, I appreciate the love you all have shown me as I started this Faygo-stained journey. You guys are the reason I keep coming back. Always, follow me on all the socials and I will see you next time!