BROWN'S FIVE AT 5 / Vol.3, Issue 11: Sponsors Galore
- The Great Brown Hope
- 9 minutes ago
- 6 min read
What's really hood yall! It's kinda been a minute, but not really. If you've been catching our predictions blogs, all 12 of you, then you'd still get to see me jot down some words about wrasslin' for yall to read. Thankfully I have a solid crew that's got yo boys back and they've truly been prospering so please be sure to check out PaperClip Mike's and Darkstar Shady's work. If you dont like it, you can tell me yourselves after you follow em on Twitter and Instagram, mafackas.
Anyway, welcome back to!
Man, if you know what it's like being a writer of any sort in the word, then you probably have a bunch of different pieces in the chamber. This one's been one of those blogs on the backburner whilst I worked on other stuff and thangs. Little by little it's been put together, and now it has come to it's final form!
If there's one thing The Great Brown Hope prides himself in, besides referring to one self in the third, is coming up with commercials and ads. Nah, real shit. If I dont one day end up working as a writer for any type of sports organization, I would surely like to find a place to write promotional work. You may have seen some of my tweets, funny yes I know, or some of my Instagram work, I have always had a sixth sense for it and goddamnit it's gonna work out for me some day. So here, I have assembled five, that's right FIVE Superstars that could do some excellent promo work for FIVE brands. Let me cook and I guarantee you'll dig what I'm serving like a B2K motion picture.
LETS GET TO IT YALL!!
BROWN'S FIVE AT 5
VOLUME 3 / ISSUE 11
FIVE SUPERSTARS WHO SHOULD BE SPONSORED
HONORABLE MENTION:
META FOUR / FOUR LOKO
When I say I had this one in the backburner, what I meant was there was an original lineup that ended up getting shuffled. At the time of writing, Meta Four was still an active stable on NXT television. Yeah, I know, that was indeed a while back. But still, you could not deny that this colorful quartette was gaining some steam when they found their niche. We almost saw Jakara and Lash capture the Women's tag belts, Oro Mensah had business that ended up unfinished with Oba Femi, and now Noam Dar's all alone. Still I cant help but think the Meta Four crew woulda been fun to see in Four Loko commercials or IG reels. Had to include these cats as our honorable mention as they were the ones that got the wheels rolling in my head for this so it wouldn't feel right to leave em out. MetaFourever, and ever.
5.TIFFANY STRATTON / TIFFANY & CO.
It's always Tiffy Time somewhere, amirite? Why Tiffany&Co haven't signed Tiff to a deal to sell some expensive Tiffy Time watches is beyond me. If it's one thing collectors shelve out cash for, it's limited edition merchandise. Not to mention these watches would still sell out as regular purchasers of the brand would surely be in line for em as well. Some special edition casing, each box with a numbered signature. Sure it only appeases to a certain demographic, but have you seen how much people fork up for them belts? It's not a matter of when, but at what time exactly.!
Like I said, it's always Tiffy Time somewhere, so they as well make some extra cheese on it. Tiffany&Co is a known brand that shouldn't have any issues signing Tiffany Stratton to a lucrative deal that benefits both sides.
4.TONY D'ANGELO / CHEF BOYARDEE
Hey man they used to have The Rock and Big Show in the older Boyardee commercials. What could be cooler than doing some work with older brands that played a part in shaping the awesomeness that pro wrestling came to be in that era. Chef Boyardee is a household favorite and a household classic, I know I always keep a few in the pantry. Tony D'Angelo could use a new way to get his name out there as his time on NXT seems like is up and needs to move on to the main roster. Some funny commercials would certainly help get his name over with people, and if it's something that sticks then it may just bring on even more for the mob boss. Maybe have him punch a can open and just chugging it down like a Campbells soup cup. I'd write up some shorts and call em "Chef Boyardee-ing with Tony D", a mini series of Tony D prepping three or four of the different cans of pasta like dishes Chef Boyardee has to choose from. Come on now, tell me Chef BoyarDee-Angelo aint got a nice ring to it?
3.DREW MCINTYRE / MOUNTAIN DEW
Remember Busta Rhymes in a commercial against a ram? Or how about Orlando Jones telling everyone to make 7up yours? Mountain Dew it's as refreshing as it is fresh(as in swagger) and they continue to bring the bangers in ways of flavors and limited drops of it's drip drop deliciousness. If it's one thing this Drew McIntyre has managed to do as of late, it's rise to the occassion. McIntyre has proven he can take anything he is given and go all in without driving it into the ground. You dont need a fancy new flavor rollout, you dont need a new, rounder logo, sometimes just an easy catchphrase is more than enough. Something simple, but catchy. Something only Drew McIntyre could pull off.....how about.....
So do the Drew, and drink Mountain Dew.
Hey Mountain Dew, call me.
2.R-TRUTH / WHATSAPP
Why R-Truth isn't plastered all over various posters and such is truly a crime in marketing. R-Truth has always been a fan favorite, but over the years his popularity has risen to unspeakable heights. So popular that they got the fed to sign him to a new deal not long after his contract ended. R-Truth could sell anything, and with already having a catchy song and catchphrase, "WHAT'S UP?!", why not incorporate that into something that'll get him some extra cheese. I could already see the commerciala, "People over there, WhatsApp! Stand up, feel me and say WhatsApp! WhatsApp! WhatsApp!"
And everyone yells back WhatsApp! Whats WhatsApp you ask? It's a communication application that allows you to text and call and video chat with other registered users of said app. If the app isn't already known enough, Truth will certainly give it a nice boost in downloads and new users. We could even have R-Truth answer the phone and say he's getting a call from Lil Jimmy, or maybe even a video call from John Cena. There's alot of fun to be had with it, and Truth is still cool enough to make any brand worth getting into.
1.JIMMY USO / SLIM JIM
Dawg, will someone please, PLEASE tell me why Not From LA Knight and Jey Uso are the "fAcEs" of Slim Jim? Why? Give me one good reason why and i'll never ask again. And another question, why is not Jimmy Uso? HIS NAME IS JIM!!
Lake Arkansas Knight is still trying to get his big break at his big age and the crowd has seemingly turned on Jey Uso and it's probably not gonna change and neither will he. So why not have a shift in programming and let Jimmy Uso run with it? Big Jim has proven he can run in the big leagues with the big dawgs, he just needs another shot at singles glory. And the best way to start that off is with Slim Jim in his corner. Been tweeting it for ages, and to genuinely be honest Jim would be the best face of Slim Jim since Randy Savage. They currently have a Savage Size Slim Jim with Randy Savage. Why not make a Big Jim Slim Jim Size that's just in between the regular and the Savage Size. Or a Big Jimmy Uso bust like the Randy Savage one? Why the fack not right? Cmon Slim Jim, let's make it happen.
Dont forget to follow The Great Brown Hope on all his socials. And follow us on our Main Event Wrestling Network socials as well at our linktree below.
Dont forget to hit that heart button at the bottom. And dont forget to brush your teeth. See y'all again soon.
(this chapter of Storee Time with The Great Brown Hope has been brought to you by Four Loko. Drink Four Loko.)
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Playlist
Jimmy Eat World "The Middle"
Blink 182 "All The Small Things"
The Killers "Mr. Brightside"
The Offspring "The Kids Aren't Alright"
Avril Lavigne "Sk8er Boy"
Lily Allen "Smile"
Lana Del Rey "Without You"
Eve and Gwen Stefani "Let Me Blow Ya Mind"
Bizzy Bone "Crazy Crazy"
The Growlers "Feel My Funk"
Pink "You Make Me Sick"
Nivea ft. Lil Jon and Youngbloodz "Okay"
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