BROWN'S FIVE AT 5 / Vol.3, Issue 9: All We Do Is Win
- The Great Brown Hope
- 5 minutes ago
- 6 min read
What's hood yall, we are less than a month removed from John Cena's final bout in the squared circle, and to geniunely be honest, it still hasn't sunk in. My friends, brothers, sisters, welcome to another edition of.....
John Cena has taken his ball and gone home. Welp, deal with it, cause if I have to then so do you. And whilst Gunther's running amuck boasting his biggest accomplishment to date, John Cena finally gets to truly rest. Years and years and YEARS of carrying the fed has surely put a strain on the man and it's truly beautiful to see him go out on his own terms while he still can. And for that, we say thank you John Cena.
*wipes thug tears*
Alright yall, you might be thinking this is just another Cena blog. And you're right, cause it is! But you're also wrong cause this is another Cena blog that took alot of research and digging and confirming. It's hard to put together these Five at 5s sometimes but damnit somebody has got to do it! Right? And that's why I'm here. Last Five at 5 we had five superstars that never had a one on one match with John Cena. And this time we've five, COUNT EM, FIVE superstars that John Cena competed against but never pinned.
LETS GET TO IT YALL!!
BROWN'S FIVE AT 5
VOLUME 3 / ISSUE 9
FIVE SUPERSTARS JOHN CENA NEVER PINNED
5.BILLY GUNN
Oh yeah, this one's from DEEP in the archives. This is after Billy Gunn was a tag champ with Chuck. And Cena had a few things to say about that pre-match that didn't sit well with this reincarmated version of Mr. Ass. Cena was on his way up and would enter a tournament for the United States Championship and would be eliminated by Gunn after a distraction from "He's Got a Motorcycle!" Undertaker. And after all these years, Cena never got his win back. Whilst Billy Gunn might still wrestle a little longer, Cena is out for good and won't ever get his win back.
4.NEVILLE
Here we have a TV classic that should have been a pay per view match. At this point in time, Cena was hosting a United States Heavyweight Championship Open Challenge. But this wasn't just any ordinary United States Heavyweight Championship Open Challenge, this one saw numerous NXT standouts answer the call. One of those was Neville, one of the first NXT Heavyweight Champions. Neville would seize the opportunity of a lifetime in front of a crowd in which about 99% of had probably not watched NXT yet. This was a different era of NXT that was just beginning to find it's image, and Neville was one of the pillars of that early class along with names like Seth Rollins, Jinder Mahal, Tyson Kidd, Antonio Cesaro, Sami Zayn, just to name a few. And here was Neville, a representative of that class here to show the world (sit down Dolph) why he was named The Man Gravity Forgot.
Neville took Cena to new levels that we weren't used to seeing Cena be faced with. Neville even kicked out of an Attitude Adjustment, something not many can say they did up to that point in time. That night a star was born, as Neville captured the attention of the WWE Universe and kept them on their toes, but also cause gravity. And just as Neville would execute his amazing, flawless finisher to what appeared to be certain championship gloree, Alexandee Rusev interfered. And even with a DQ victory, Neville still holds a victoree over John Cena. How many victories does John Cena have against Neville? Zero.
3.SHINSUKE NAKAMURA
Honestly, I had forgotten all about this encounter, that is until Shinsuke Nakamura was announced as an entrant in the Last Time is Now Tournament. Had to scratch to my head a little harder than the norm cause it almost felt like it had never happened. Really, how often have you heard someone say the words, "John Cena lost clean"? Not very many! I could probably think of five, but that's another five at five for another day. Cause if you go back and watch this one, it really is almost too good to be true. Shinsuke Nakamura, coming off an incredible NXT run, was set to go up against his greatest challenge. Shinsuke Nakamura and John Cena would go one on one for a match against the 50th WWE Heavyweight Champion Jinder Mahal at Summerslam. But Nakamura was a different type of beast, a beast John Cena was unfamiliar with. Nakamura would take it to the Man Who Cannot Be Seen, executing an offense we aren't used to seeing Cena endure. Cena was not ready for Shinsuke Nakamura. John Cena for once was out of his element, even being out-charisma'd by the up and coming Nakamura. For once, it felt like the tables were turning in a different direction and a new wave was coming. Shinsuke Nakamura was part of that wave that took over and gave the fed new stars to count on. A bright future was in store for Nakamura, this night being a part of that. Cena would hit an Attitude Adjustment and held on to Nakamura, looking to execute a second AA, only for Nakamura to counter and drop Cena on his head. A dazed Cena would eat a Kinshasa as Nakamura emerged victorious, an ending simlar to Cena's encounter with Daniel Bryan Danielson.
Had Shinsuke Nakamura won the LTIN tourney Cena may have gotten his win back, but we all know how Cena's storee ended.
2.ROMAN REIGNS
Every generation in wrestling had it's top dawg, it's marquee attraction so to speak. Roman Reigns was hand picked as the successor to John Cena's top spot, and it wasn't hard to see why. Roman Reigns is built like a Superstar and looks like a Superstar. Roman Reigns came into the game kicking the door down with Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins, three Superstars that would all go on to win multiple Heavyweight Championships, and counting. Roman Reigns would be pushed as the next big thing, the only problem is it wasn't the right time to do so. Roman Reigns would first scrap with Cena as THE BIG DAWG at No Mercy 2017 and prove he was more bite than bark with the biggest victory of his young career.
But did anyone want Reigns to win? Remember, right star, wrong time. Fast forward a few years and Roman Reigns would naturally evolve into the larger than life Superstar he was meant to be. It's 2021 and Roman Reigns was now embraced by the masses and John Cena didn't stand a chance. Cena was up against a Roman Reigns that was not only in his element, but above it as well.
Even with Roman's victoree, this wasn't a passing of the torch as Roman had already taken it and ran with it long before this match. John Cena retired 0-2 against Roman Reigns in televised singles competition, a feat accomplished by one... the ONLY One. ☝🏾
1.SOLO SIKOA
You know what, I gotta say something. The internet community of wrestling has to stop saying that Solo Sikoa gained nothing from defeating John Cena at Crown Jewel. Sure you can make the argument that Cena was on his way out, but how many other guys did Cena beat in that retirement tour? How many other guys have beat John Cena the way Solo Sikoa did? I can only think of Lesnar, but Cena got his lick back a few times. You have to take into consideration that the fed needs more stars to fill a card, and these will also be the stars that will be counted on when bringing up the next batch. You look up and down Solo Sikoa's resume and you'll see he's already got gold (and an Ula Fala) to his name. Add on top of that the numerous victories over former Heavyweight Champions and you've got yourself a decorated Superstar.
Solo Sikoa doesn't have to be a multi-time Heavyweight Champion to be a main event player as he'll always be the perfect, proven adversary for the next challenger. What will be remembered most about Solo Sikoa's win over Cena is the brutal, merciless lenghts he went to. Solo Sikoa tore an additional hole in Cena's legacy with each lethal, vicious Spike to the throat. Solo Sikoa would advance through the tournament ranks en route to another match with Cena, in which he probably would have given Cena his win back. But nope, cause now when it's all said and done, Solo Sikoa will retire undefeated against John Cena.
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(this chapter of Storee Time with The Great Brown Hope has been brought to you by Four Loko. Drink Four Loko.)
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Dance Gavin Dance "Here Comes the Winner"
SLAVES "My Soul Is Empty And Full Of White Girls"
Jonny Craig "istillfeelher, Pt.3"
Bizzy Bone ft. Jonny Craig "Bottled Up Like Smoke"
Bizzy Bone "Fake Love - I Am Not Them"
50 Cent ft. Jeremih "Still Think I'm Nothing"
Lloyd Banks "Make A Move"
Prodigy "Return of the Mac (AKA New York Shit)"
M.O.P. "Ante Up"
Limp Bizkit ft. Method Man "N 2 Gether Now"
Linkin Park "Lying From You"
Dance Gavin Dance "Privilously Poncheezied"
Jim Jones "We Fly High"
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